My Mini-Silent-Meditation Retreat: Chiang Mai, Thailand

Mini you may ask? Yes, mini! Paul and I were both scheduled for a 4-day silent meditation retreat in Chiang Mai, Thailand. It was a Vapassina style meditation retreat (Vipassina is a Buddhist style of meditation which translates to insight into one’s self). In spite of the fact that Vipassina techniques are seen as secular in nature by many, Paul decided he’d had his fill of Buddhism in Dharamshala. So he bailed on the strict 4-day retreat. That meant he saved himself a schedule that included the following:

• Waking at 5am
• Teachings at 5:30am, 1pm, and 6pm
• Breakfast at 7am and lunch at 11am
• No eating past noon
• Every hour in between was to be in silent meditation
• Bedtime at 9pm

Sounds fun, doesn’t it!? Why on earth would Paul bail?!?! I decided to go, but I limited my stay to 2-days. That way, Paul and I could “mindfully” enjoy other activities in Chiang Mai like river rafting and zip-lining (not to mention the simple acts of talking and eating).

After leaving Paul at his lovely hotel in the Old City of Chiang Mai, I made my way up the mountain to the west of the city via taxi. There was a point when the taxi could go no further, so with my pack on my back, I hiked up and meandered around the top of the mountain until I found my destination, encountering words like “no meat on these premises” and finding monks in saffron robes walking in silence.

Once I arrived, I was assigned my room, which was a sharp constrast to Paul’s lovely hotel digs. It had a single bed (not even a dresser for my bag) and an outdoor community bathroom. It was B.Y.O.T. – bring your own toilet paper. Having been in Southeast Asia for a while, I learned to keep tissues with me. But I never thought I’d have to do that for two full days! I quickly rationed the tissues in my bag for my 2-day stay.

Why I Meditate And Wanted To Experience A Retreat
Before I talk about my experience, let’s be clear on why I meditate (and why I have taught mindfulness courses in the past). This is a good backdrop for why I would attend a retreat void of basic amenities like toilet paper. Simply put, meditation has been shown to help people control their attention in ways that lead to greater well being. Let’s face it, when our attention is elsewhere, happiness is elusive. How we pay attention to the present moment characterizes our experience and thus the quality of our lives. Religious mystics have understood this for ages, but now a growing body of science is demonstrating its empirical truth. While my meditation practice has nothing to do with religion, it does help me think more clearly and act in more pro-social and compassionate ways, core tenets that many religions including my own (Orhtodox Christianity) claim.

You may also wonder why a meditation retreat is necessary. Why not simply practice at home? The idea is that if we can experience a deep source of well being even when the typical sources of happiness are removed, this deep sense of well being should always be accessible. Additionally, for me, I’m one of those meditators who can experience a kaleidoscope of colors and feelings of euphoric transcendence during meditation; so I was curious to see if those experiences could be magnified while on retreat.

Set high upon the mountains of Chiang Mai, it was a beautiful setting to give it a go.

My Experience At The Retreat
I was a bit of a pariah at this retreat as it’s practically unheard of to attend a retreat for such a short period of time. In fact, most meditation retreats won’t accept you unless you commit to 8 to 21 days. Oh well, they gave me the key to my room so I was staying, even if only for two short days.

My arrival included a few hours of orientation, first by the administrator and then by the teacher (who was the head monk). I must wear all white, no alcolohol or drugs were allowed, no eating after 12:01pm, no reading/writing/technology, and I must be silent at all times (other than the teachings). During orientation, I was also taught how to meditate. Most of this I already knew, but I was given a few specific techniques the teacher wanted me to practice. Okay fine, I’m ready for this I thought.

There were three main meditation areas; so after my orientation I went upstairs and joined several other students in silent practice. I had been instructed by my teacher to do a combination of a walking and sitting meditation, all the while repeating to myself my actions, e.g. “I am stepping stepping stepping, I am breathing breathing breathing, etc.”. When my mind would wander I would say “I am thinking thinking thinking”.

This worked well. In fact, I was the last person to leave the meditation room that night. It was almost 9pm, so I shut off the lights and used a flashlight to make my way back to my dorm. When I arrived at my room, my next-door-neighbor was sweeping her room. She said “hello” to me. I couldn’t believe it; wasn’t this supposed to be a silent retreat?!? Never one to follow every rule, I engaged in conversation and learned that she was there for 12 days and was in the middle of her stay. Her first few days were very hard but each day got easier as the buzzing in her mind got quieter. She was a young, adorable girl who I guessed was in her mid 20s and was from somewhere in Europe. I noticed that about 1/2 of the students were western and 1/2 were Asian and many were in their 20s. That being said, there were certainly a handful of people in their thirties, forties, fifties, and sixties.

I wondered to myself why she was sweeping at this late hour but once I entered my room, I understood why. Evidently, you have to be very careful about what you leave on the floor in your room. I lifted my bag from the floor and found hundreds of ants surrounding it. Evidently they had smelled the tea bags in my bag. With nothing in the room to put things on, I hung my tea bags on the light switch and swepted the ants from the floor. These were far from the luxury conditions Paul was enjoying back at his hotel. Nonetheless, my tactic seemed to work. The next day there were no ants near my pack, just a line of ants marching up the wall to the light switch!

After a cold night’s sleep, I awoke the next day at 5am to pouring rain. The noise of the rain made the 5:30am teaching impossible to hear. Oh well, I used the time to meditate; after all, I was getting into this! I had breakfast at 7am and continued to meditate the rest of the morning. I found my mind was wondering constantly, more than I expected. I tried to change meditation locations to see if one area might work better for me than another. At one point, my mind wondered to all the things I needed to do. I said to myself I am going to be early from now on because people who are early tend to get more done. With this thought I looked at the time and it was 11:30am. Great I thought, I will head down to lunch and be a 1/2 hour early. I got to the dining room and found everyone already eating! Turns out I had the time wrong. Lunch was at 11am and now there were only scraps left. This was going to be my last meal until the next morning and all they had left was small bowl of rice with some spicy gook on top. So much for my being early and well fed!

Immediately after lunch I met with my teacher. He reassured me that I was doing a good job. He asked me if I preferred a walking or sitting meditation and I shared that walking is easier for me, but when I am able to clear my mind while sitting, sitting is more gratifying. He told me that that was his experience as well. Meeting with him encouraged me to get back to my practice as I felt assured I was where I needed to be.

As the afternoon progressed I pressed on with with my meditation practice. Then the fun part came. The kaliedescope of colors began emerging in my consciousness. This was nothing I hadn’t experienced before, but it was an experience I loved. I am not one to do drugs, but I imagine that my such experiences rival those of tripping on acid, shrooms, or meth. The colors twisted and turned into gorgeous formations in my mind until, suddenly, a figure that looked like Socrates appeared before my eyes. Now this part was new; never before had an Ancient Greek figure appeared during a meditation! This was weird I thought. Next a rush of creative ideas came streaming into my mind. I have to admit that, at this point, I cheated. I returned to my room and jotted down a few of the creative ideas that had rushed in my mind that I didn’t want to forget. Again, some rules are meant to be bent! Thank goodness I had brought my journal.

After this, I attended the evening teachings and did a final evening walking/sitting meditation before I settled into bed knowing that the next morning I would be heading back to Paul and Chiang Mai, but not before waking up early for the 5:30am teachings and breakfast. This time, however, I made 200% sure to be early!

After another hungry and cold nights’ sleep, I was thrilled to be done later the next morning. I changed from my white uniform to my street clothes. Never before had khakis and a shirt felt so good. I left the retreat and explored other parts of the mountain top before heading back to the city. I stopped a this cafe and thoroughly enjoyed every sip of my sweet iced coffee and reflected on the prior two-day experience.

My Takeaways
The days, hours, and minutes of the retreat were difficult, but the overall experience was wonderful.

I am fully aware that my 2-day experience cannot compare to those who have made the multi-week effort to meditate in silence. Still, my overall experience was meaningful even if difficult. While I didn’t walk away transformed, I was reminded of the importance of the following basic insights, which was well worth the two-day investment.

• I am not my thoughts: A sustained 2-day practice helped me create a greater separation between myself and my thinking. When a thought arose, I would repeat “I am thinking, thinking, thinking”. It was amazing to observe how a thought can be let go by simply recognizing it for what it is, just a thought. This was particularly useful for those painful thoughts that are, unfortunately, all too common.
• I am where I should be: In the meditation course I teach, I recite a statistic that we are lost in thought on average 47% of the time. I found my average to be higher, at least during day one of the retreat. While I was supposed to be non-judgmental, I couldn’t help but think that I was not where I needed to be. What appeased me was was that my teacher reassured me that I was doing a great job. I was just where I needed to be, a good lesson in life.
• I am grateful for my life: When thoughts of my life would emerge, I had an unbelievable sense of gratitude and love for the life I lead and the people in it. I know that meditation strengthens the parts of your brain associated with gratitude, kindness, and compassion; and it was wonderful to deeply experience these feelings.
• “Bliss” is accessible: While I know meditation isn’t about “blissing out”, I can’t lie and say I don’t love those moments of experiencing a kaleidoscope of colors and fEllington that seem to transcend this world. While I had experienced such moments in the past, this retreat reinforced the accessibility (an my enjoyment) of such moments.
• I can bring this with me: There is nothing in Chiang Mai that I can’t recreate anywhere. As long as I remain disciplined, I can bring the benefits of meditation with me everywhere I go.

And so it was with that appreciation that I was excited to re-join Paul to enjoy other activities northern Thailand had to offer. River rafting and zip lining, here we come!